I went back to work from maternity leave in November, which I was less
than thrilled about. I had so enjoyed my four months at home, bonding with baby
Rosemary and getting some great time with Anabelle. Our weeks together were a good
mix of outings/playdates and just down days at home. It was such a different
feel from my maternity leave with Anabelle four years ago. I don’t many people as
anxious as a first time mom. But this time was just, well, fun! And for the first
time in my life I really understood why people WANT to be stay at home parents.
(More on this later)
Then in December, my husband got a new job. This was no small thing for
our family – our workplace has been a pillar in our lives for nearly a decade.
My husband and I met there in 2004, married the following year, and have been
carpooling to the same building ever since. It was absolutely the right choice
for him and I one hundred percent encouraged and support the change, but when
it was all done, I definitely went through a grieving period. It may seem silly
(and a little co-dependent) but I was just so used to us doing everything
together. We dropped off and picked up the kids together, we would stop by each
other’s desks to say hi, go to lunch together. My husband would frequently
bring me Slurpees from 7-11 during his afternoon breaks. I was spoiled and I
loved it.
So much of our life, our relationship, our routine, and even my own
identity, was built around the fact that we worked at the same company together.
And then when we didn’t I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with myself. Evenings
were spent taking care of our kids and spending time with them and there wasn’t
much time for just us. This wasn’t anything new, but we’d always had the driving
to and from work in the same car and face to face interactions throughout the
day that we didn’t necessarily feel shortchanged.
It has since all worked itself out and I have adjusted to my new
normal. My husband and I just text and talk on the phone a lot more now. And something
actually really great happened to me because of this change. It broke the ice
in my mindset of what I was willing to consider possible for our life. So much
that I have decided to make a change too:
I’m going to be a stay at home mom!!!
This is a completely new feeling for me. Before my most recent maternity
leave, I’ve never wanted to stay home. I’ve always enjoyed working, the social
atmosphere, the sense of accomplishment, problem solving. It’s been very fulfilling
for me. But my heart has changed. What is important to me has changed. I’ve
come to a place where my time is my most precious commodity and I want to spend
it on my children.
That being said I am not officially leaving my job until October – this
provides lots of time to transition someone new into my position and for us to
get our ducks in a row here at home. As an obsessive planner, I’ve been pouring
over the logistical details of how to go from a two income household to a one
income household. It’s a bit terrifying I’m not gonna lie, but I feel like we
have a pretty good plan now. Not having to shell out $1500 a month in child
care will help. Also, I will earn a little income through the absolute privilege
of taking care of our very first little cousin, who will be born at the end of
July. My October exit will coincide with my sister-in-law’s return to work.
Pretty great stuff.
So that’s what’s been happening with us. I have lots more to share
about – my new found love of minimalism, our adoption journey, my couch to 5k
goal, learning to cook (yikes), and more – but I just really wanted to get this
entry out there because (a) it’s freaking exciting and (b) all my other thoughts
directly connect to this new life we’re living. So more to come, more to come.
And I think I’ve found a theme for this time in our lives right now and
I’m pretty sure I could close out my next ten posts with this exact same
sentence: Change is scary, but if we lean into it and embrace the process, some
really amazing beautiful things can happen.
