That time I quit my job to become a stay-at-home-mom and got mono.

So I think the title of this post really sums up the last month of my life.

I had a fever for 21 days. It was epic.

Highlights of this special time include:

• I missed my last week of work -- I was very upset about this because I had worked there for 10 and half years and had given six months notice that I was leaving. I did go in on my final day, because what else could I do?
• I spent my first two weeks as a stay-at-home-mom pretty miserable, shut in from the world, taking fever meds around the clock. I developed a mad case of cabin fever and started to feel a little like Jack Nicholson from The Shining (all sick and no social interaction makes Kim effing crazy -- or something like that).
• I didn't get to start watching my niece on time -- after two visits to urgent care I finally went to the ER for a more thorough work up and found out it was Mono. This was three days before my sister-in-law would return to work and babysitting would begin. I felt so awful, like I left them in a lurch. I don't either of us imagined I would ever be sick this long, so we never talked about a back up plan. It was was really sad -- hoping in time we can work it out.

So now I am on the mend, no more fever, still very weak at times. Mono is weird with bizarre symptoms and can last a horribly long time. But I am believing for swift healing and if the way I've felt these last couple days are any indication, things are on track.

So, as I mentioned in my last post, a follow up on our doctor's physicals: mine has been postponed until I can get through this infection. So depending on how long it all really lasts will depend on when we can wrap up our home study and move forward with our adoption. Definitely been an interesting turn of events.

If, like me, you are obsessed with planning for the future and every step along the way, things like this really throw off your entire mental/emotional mojo. In those three weeks that I had a fever I got really low. It was as if everything I had been planning for, my whole vision for our life, was coming apart at the seams. It probably sounds silly, and it even feels silly now to write it, but it's the truth.

It's funny that no matter how many trials I've been through in my life -- some big, some small, some gigantic -- whatever I am going through "now" always feels like the worst. I need to remember that I came through all those things before -- the big, the small, the gigantic -- and I am stronger for it. In these times I am so grateful for the people in my life -- my husband, my mom, my friends, my pastors -- they encourage me, pull me out of the darkness of my situation, and remind me of the truth: My God is bigger than any circumstance. Even my present one. Especially my present one.

Blogging is like dieting.

I've come to realize that blogging is like dieting - it's something I always intend on starting tomorrow. Oh but then something else comes along (Netflix...chocolate cake...a chance to sleep in...) and my diet / blogging plans are kaput.

[Tried to insert a beautiful picture of a chocolate cake and fork but couldn't make it work -- clearly by blogging skills are not up to par with my cake devouring skills]

Sigh....oh well. Time for moving forward! Here's what has been going on since my last post:

Adoption Agency Seminar
In June, we went to our prospective agency, Open Adoption & Family Services, for a day and half seminar. It was designed to show us what the agency is all about and how it operates, as well as begin our open adoption education. We did some assigned reading before hand (Hospitious Adoption by James Gritter, now one of my all time favorite books I've ever read) as well as completed some worksheets to get us thinking about things we would cover, like what openness in adoption really means, how we view it, our personal strengths and weaknesses when it comes to openness, etc. All the personal self-examination was kind of intense, but really good.

There were seven couples total in the seminar, all sitting around in a u-shape of tables. The first day was led by the agency director, who herself has two children in open adoptions. She walked us through her story and how her open adoptions came to be and operate on a daily basis, which was so great. My favorite part was when they brought in two birth parents (a mom and a dad, from different families) to share their stories and answer questions. And then on day two, they brought in two adoptive parents (a mom and a dad, from different families) to share and talk to us. Getting to hear and talk with real people who have gone through the process and are living open adoptions every day was absolutely awesome. We definitely came home pumped to get started on our process!

Intake Meeting
In July, we went back to the agency for our intake meeting, which is basically a sit down chat with a counselor to evaluate where we're at emotionally and philosophically to make sure we're: a) ready to begin an adoption and b) the agency is a good fit for us. It was super low-key and just like a nice chat with a new friend. And we got the green light to move forward. YES!

Home Study
Here we are now, in the middle of our home study. So far Adam and I have: been fingerprinted, been researched by the FBI, filled out a lot of papers, written mini autobiographies, bought a fire extinguisher for our house, and had two home visits by our adoption agency counselor (her name was Marianne and she was sooooo awesome and friendly, again making the visits just feel like we were chatting with a friend). I am still filling out our financial sheet and we still need to have doctor's physicals done (I have another post coming about this debacle). All of this will culminate into a 10-12 page report (aptly named the home study report) that our counselor will write that to paint a picture of who we are, where we come from, and how we live.

Then we also have to put together our family profile, which will include:

• Our "Dear birthparent" letter - which is a one page introduction to our family, with a picture
• Family photo book - 20 page scrapbook that describes and shows our family / lifestyle in more detail, made on shutterfly or mixbook
• 2 minute video of Adam and me sharing what we appreciate about each other and what we want in an open adoption

(this is the photo I am tentatively putting on our intro letter)

All of this is to help prospective birth parents find the family that is the best-fit for them and their child. And it is absolutely exhausting! I have written our intro letter and it has been approved by our agency (phew!). I am trying to work on our photo book but it is slow going. Our home computer does not run the Shutterfly website very well, so I have been working on it on Sundays when we visit our aunt and uncle's to watch football. This last Sunday I spent several hours and got one page done. Ugh!

I'm sure I will love it when it's done (like how I feel about our intro letter) but this creative process is gruelling. I just keep reminding myself that the road to a child is always filled with aches/pains, and this time around they just manifest differently. So suck it up! :)

And I also remind myself that whatever we are going through is a cake walk compared to our birth parents, who might just be finding out they are pregnant, scared, unsure what to do. Seriously every time I think about them, whoever they are, I tear up. I can't wait to meet them someday and give them a hug and tell them that we love them and are here for them, that we are just as excited to meet them as we are the baby. And I just hope we can help them believe that we truly are never going anywhere.

*sniff* This stuff seriously turns me into a blubbering sappy mess. Okay -- Kleenexes down!

So, What's Next?
Once our home study report and family profile stuff is all complete we can "enter the pool of waiting families." Which everyone says is extremely anti-climactic. Here you've just spent months in a flurry of writing, creating, talking, etc. and then it's just over. And you wait. And wait. And maybe you wait a week and maybe you wait three years. You just don't know. You could get "the call" at any minute. It could be a birth mom who is seven months along and you have a few months notice before baby arrives, or it could be a mom who is at the hospital about to give birth or has already given birth and they need you to get there tomorrow! That's some crazy $#*%! :)

I have no idea what our story will be, but I am so excited to find out. I'll keep you posted!