We Picked an Agency - Booya!

We have officially selected an agency!

We chose.....drum roll.....Open Adoption & Family Services! They are licensed in Washington and Oregon with offices in Seattle, Portland, and Eugene.

Both agencies would have been great picks and feel very similar in their philosophy and approach to adoption. Ultimately the main factor for our decision was geography – OA&FS is just closer to home!

For example, both agencies require you to attend a seminar/workshop before signing up with them. With OA&FS it’ll be a drive to Portland, with Independent Adoption Center it would be traveling to one of their offices, the closest being Concord, CA (by San Francisco). IAC does have a New York office so we definitely thought about making that trip! What a fun reason to get to go! 

But along with the proximity to the agency itself, we thought about our proximity to our birth mom.

There's no guarantee, but by going with OA&FS it is very likely our birth mom will be from WA/OR. This will make all of our in-person meetings – our first meeting, being at the hospital, and ongoing visits – a lot easier. With IAC there was an 80% likelihood that our birth mom would be from one of the eight states with an IAC office location (California, Texas, Indiana, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, New York, and Connecticut) making the cost for traveling definitely higher. And not just during the adoption, but for every year after.

 

Originally I thought the distance wouldn’t matter -- a good thing even, creating boundaries simply through logistics. But the more I thought about it, envisioning the rest of our lives, and the more comfortable I became with the whole theory of Open Adoption, completely changed my viewpoint: I want contact with our birth mom to be natural, relaxing and fun. Something we do as a family whenever it feels right, not just when we can afford it. Five (Wow! We're going to be a family of FIVE!) plane tickets to Texas isn't cheap. We'd probably only get to go once a year and that would be our only big trip/vacation. Or it would mean not everyone could go and I don’t want that either. I did consider the idea that we could always just pay to have our birth mother fly up to see us, but in the end I just don't want to be limited on what we can do.

Also we thought about our proximity to the adoption community. Both agencies host events like summer picnics and holiday get-togethers for their families. Our ability to participate in these events and connect with others with families like ours increases enormously by going through OA&FS.

 

So our next step is to attend their pre-adoption seminar. The next opening is in June so we are scheduled for that. They limit the number of attendees to seven couples which allows everyone lots of personal attention and the ability to make strong connections with each other. After that we can sign our official contract and begin our home study.

 

The home study is pretty intensive and can take 3 - 4 months to complete. It includes things like background checks, personal biographies, home visits, doctor's exams, financial documents, etc. I'm not going to lie, it feels a little intimidating. But I'm assured it's about highlighting what makes us unique and great parents, not about finding faults. During that time we will also be putting together our "Dear Birth Parent" letter, family profile, photos, etc. (I keep joking that it'll be kind of like an online dating profile, but for our whole family - ha!).

 

THEN when that's all done, we will be put into the pool of families and wait to be selected by some amazing birth mom who wants to make us the parents of her child! OMG! Such a huge crazy exciting big deal!

 

So, until that happens, I am going to try to play it cool and not be super anxious or impatient. Just embrace the process and enjoy the journey.

 

It's an exciting road to be on!

Adoption Update

It’s a very exciting week for the Kessler family – we are finally going to make some real tangible progress on our adoption!

 

We’ve known for a while that Domestic Infant Adoption is the best fit for our young family, but we’ve yet to pick to an agency. The search began while I was pregnant with Rosemary. I’ve browsed what feels like a million websites and acquired a hefty collection of information packets, but now it’s time to stop Googling and make a decision.

 

So on to the exciting part!

 

We’ve narrowed it down to two agencies and have conference calls scheduled with both of them this week. I have spoken to each of them myself already, but this week's calls will be more like formal presentations and Adam will be joining in.

 

The two agencies are Independent Adoption Center and Open Adoption & Family Services.

 

Both agencies specialize in Open Adoption, which means the birth mother (and father) chooses the adoptive parents for their baby. They will read our "Dear Birth Mother" letter, view our online profile, etc. and if they like us will contact us. We will talk to them on the phone and set up a meeting to meet in person. After we meet and have a chance to interact, everyone decides if they want to move forward. Then you are considered "officially matched". At that time both parties agree to ongoing contact in a form and frequency that everyone is comfortable with. What I love about these two agencies is that they both promote a relationship, not just a contract, for staying in touch.

 

Are you freaking out? It’s okay. Almost everyone feels that way about Open Adoption at first. Here’s what I’ve learned:

 

Open Adoption is not co-parenting. Once the adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents are the legal parents. And remember it's because they were chosen by the birth parents - that's what they wanted, for these specific parents to be the child's parents. But just because you don't feel you are in a place to be able to raise a child yourself, does not mean you should have to forfeit all contact.

 

On the contrary, all the research on Open Adoption (as opposed to Closed Adoption) shows that it really is a healthier atmosphere for the child. In Open Adoption the child knows his/her birth parents, and their identity is more grounded – they know where they come from, they know they are loved. If they have questions about why they were adopted or if their mom was good at drawing too, there is a real live person to ask. And then for the rest of their life they will know them and have a relationship with them.

 

Another great thing is when you work with a reputable agency, they offer ongoing support and counseling to help all parties -- the birth parents, adoptive parents, and the child -- to help you work through the various aspects of your relationship over time. It's funny, think about all the relationships you have in your life right now and the natural ups/downs they go through -- it sure would be nice to have a lifetime counselor for those too :)

 

I'll admit, I am an idealist and probably a little naive, but I am honestly so excited about getting to meet our birth mom. I know God brings people into my life and vice versa for a reason, and this is no ordinary relationship. This is covenant bond to help create an atmosphere and environment where a child can thrive and grow to be the best they can be. I am honored and humbled just thinking about it.

 

If you would like to read more about Open Adoption here is a link to one of my favorite adoption resource websites Creating a Family.

 

I'll post again at the end of the week and let you know who we picked!!! Then the fun will really begin.