Adoption Update

It’s a very exciting week for the Kessler family – we are finally going to make some real tangible progress on our adoption!

 

We’ve known for a while that Domestic Infant Adoption is the best fit for our young family, but we’ve yet to pick to an agency. The search began while I was pregnant with Rosemary. I’ve browsed what feels like a million websites and acquired a hefty collection of information packets, but now it’s time to stop Googling and make a decision.

 

So on to the exciting part!

 

We’ve narrowed it down to two agencies and have conference calls scheduled with both of them this week. I have spoken to each of them myself already, but this week's calls will be more like formal presentations and Adam will be joining in.

 

The two agencies are Independent Adoption Center and Open Adoption & Family Services.

 

Both agencies specialize in Open Adoption, which means the birth mother (and father) chooses the adoptive parents for their baby. They will read our "Dear Birth Mother" letter, view our online profile, etc. and if they like us will contact us. We will talk to them on the phone and set up a meeting to meet in person. After we meet and have a chance to interact, everyone decides if they want to move forward. Then you are considered "officially matched". At that time both parties agree to ongoing contact in a form and frequency that everyone is comfortable with. What I love about these two agencies is that they both promote a relationship, not just a contract, for staying in touch.

 

Are you freaking out? It’s okay. Almost everyone feels that way about Open Adoption at first. Here’s what I’ve learned:

 

Open Adoption is not co-parenting. Once the adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents are the legal parents. And remember it's because they were chosen by the birth parents - that's what they wanted, for these specific parents to be the child's parents. But just because you don't feel you are in a place to be able to raise a child yourself, does not mean you should have to forfeit all contact.

 

On the contrary, all the research on Open Adoption (as opposed to Closed Adoption) shows that it really is a healthier atmosphere for the child. In Open Adoption the child knows his/her birth parents, and their identity is more grounded – they know where they come from, they know they are loved. If they have questions about why they were adopted or if their mom was good at drawing too, there is a real live person to ask. And then for the rest of their life they will know them and have a relationship with them.

 

Another great thing is when you work with a reputable agency, they offer ongoing support and counseling to help all parties -- the birth parents, adoptive parents, and the child -- to help you work through the various aspects of your relationship over time. It's funny, think about all the relationships you have in your life right now and the natural ups/downs they go through -- it sure would be nice to have a lifetime counselor for those too :)

 

I'll admit, I am an idealist and probably a little naive, but I am honestly so excited about getting to meet our birth mom. I know God brings people into my life and vice versa for a reason, and this is no ordinary relationship. This is covenant bond to help create an atmosphere and environment where a child can thrive and grow to be the best they can be. I am honored and humbled just thinking about it.

 

If you would like to read more about Open Adoption here is a link to one of my favorite adoption resource websites Creating a Family.

 

I'll post again at the end of the week and let you know who we picked!!! Then the fun will really begin.